Immortality

What does a mean really want?

Well, among many things, immortality.

How to become immortal? Well there’s all sorts of myths. Potions, fountains of youth, radioactive accidents… But these are stories. Metaphors for the real thing.

What is the real thing?

Obviously, some sort of scientific breakthrough. Say, cloning. Or some kind of gene splice, which, I don’t know, stops the aging process or something. How close are we to such a breakthrough?

Unfortunately, very far away.

Imitating and improving life turns out to be hard. It has taken nature billions of years to produce functioning humans. To expect us to copy that blueprint and improve it within the next century, it is just too much to ask. We can’t even build a self-driving car, much less a human eye. Even something as simple as artificial insemination only has a success rate of twenty percent. To achieve scientific immortality, we’ll need a lot of time and a lot of trial and error.

But the more pressing issue is of course that science is no longer practiced in the West. Instead we have this monstrosity pretending to be science, wearing the gutted skin of what used to be science as a skin-suit. They will not achieve anything. Forget nanobots, forget cybernetic upgrades — the best you can hope for is that the electricity grid still functions in twenty years from now.

But but but… Muh immortality !

Well, yes, I’m sorry. That was the bad news. But want to know the good news? Immortality is still within your reach. Always was. It’s called: children.

Yes I know, groundbreaking stuff! But it’s true: nature has already made you immortal by gifting you the power of procreation. Calculate for yourself: Your kids will be fifty percent you, so if you have four children, you will have doubled your life presence! The math does not lie: Children are the tried-and-tested way of attaining immortality.

So, have kids. It’s fun, trust me. Don’t believe the propaganda saying otherwise. The trick is to do it as traditionally as possible: make sure mom breastfeeds, make sure mom takes care of the kids as much as possible, support mom where needed, and stay away from stupid prog shit. That’s it, that’s all there is to it. Baby smiles all day. Mom finds her purpose in life. It’s win-win all around.

Of course, what you discover when you have a kid is that the progs have gone a long way in fucking up society for families. Last time we streamed the news, some expert calmly explained that the government wants all mothers to work, which is easy, because daycare is re-imbursed. If I were not a cold-blooded aristocrat I’d have shouted FUCK YOU BITCH STOP SEPARATING CHILDREN FROM THEIR MOTHER and punched a hole through the TV. Children need their mother, it is only because things are already so screwed that mothers often need to work, because a family can no longer live on the man’s income alone. I know we struggle with that.

Naturally, there’s more shit. Your girl, through the female interaction network, is bombarded with shitloads of crap family-hating info. For instance, my girl was told that it is perfectly fine if she does not want to breastfeed. This is dangerous nonsense: breastmilk contains essential stuff, which we cannot artificially reproduce because we don’t know exactly what the essential stuff is. All we know is that babies who miss out on breast milk tend to be smaller, have allergies or ear infections.

But wait, there’s more, because there’s also the state healthcare tentacle which will try to destroy the natural growth cycle of babies. They tell you: come give birth at the hospital! We shall pump your woman full with drugs, thereby forcing the baby out whether he likes it or not, and numbing the mother beyond all her senses. Complications might happen, but can’t they also happen at home, wink wink? Well, my girl gave birth at home, and it was a very wholesome experience. I recommend it.

And of course, there’s the fear mongering. Holy crap the fear mongering. It’s like someone paid these people to scare the living shit out of mothers. They told a friend’s girl of mine that their kid might have head cancer. Of course, probably not, and really it was probably just an allergy, but they were ‘obliged’ to tell her there was a small chance. Wtf. They pull this shit all the time, I have dozens of these stories. Keep your kid and wife as far away from these people as possible.

There is, simply put, no end of bullshit thrown at you, all ostensibly in the name of helping you, but all with the result of fucking up families and ensuring no one dare have more than one-and-a-half kid, if even that. But again, let me stress: if you avoid the worst traps, being the patriarch of a family is truly a joy. And of course, to succeed where your haters want you to fail, that is great as well.

PS: the book has been very helpfully reviewed by several people. I am making some final changes, so it should not be too long before you’ll see it at the top of the New York Times bestseller list.

2 Comments

  1. Most people are not all that interested in increasing their life span. Just look at revealed preferences. No, I’m not talking about Europeans who want to import violent barbarians into their societies. I’m talking about how most people treat their bodies.

    Granted, a lot of the literature about what is healthy and what is not is propaganda, but mammals that eat a lot and get fat live significantly shorter lifes than those that eat less and stay lean. Being fat is not healthy and shortens the human life span.

    Look around. Most people have excessive body fat. They usually know that this is unhealthy. Their life style is the result of a choice.

    Why do people choose an unhealthy, childless and short life? I’d like to know. Maybe because they do not know the joy sons and daughters can bring.

    1. Because life is hard, and the principle of energy conservation dictates that people are rather lazy than risk iatrogenic damage.

      Being fat is an expression of unhappiness.

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